REFLECTIONS

Busted a mammoth zit on my lip. Owwwwieeeee!!! Some way to start the morning. Probably sprouted like a wild mushroom when I wasn’t looking. Over the past week, my head has been taking frequent walks down memory lane. Brain feels on overload with images, conversations and way too many memories. Sleep was inconsistent, an amalgamation of disjointed dreams. Waking up and staring into nothingness, or was it the darkness in my mind.

Got up on the wrong side of the bed. Decided I needed some solitude. In my jammies and favourite Montreal sweatshirt made a beeline for mom’s dressing room. Snagged a box of Hobnobs and a pouch of Orange Capri-Sonne. Plopped my rear-end onto the step stool and was busy munching on my snack and trying not to think, when the taste of the tangy, orange juice took me head-long into my high-school days. It’s funny how food can trigger memory.

I loved high-school. Still do. It’s that awkward age when you realize you need to make decisions. The stage where you need role models. Where the differences between the sexes glares you in the face and you wish the boys who had been your best buddies would still be the same. The period when girls either turn into bullying beeatches or angels of decorum. It’s that excitement of growing up, of being wiser of being more knowledgeable. Sports and Studies. Of thinking you hold the world in the palm of your hand.

Things like being voted vice-Captain and Captain for one of the four houses was such an honour. Then prom princess on Prom night. I looked like a complete dud!!! Wonder what the judges were thinking. Some of the best times and some of the worst bloopers. Still cringe at some of the not-to-be-mentioned escapades I got into.

As a kid, adulthood had always seemed so far away, yet in retrospect I wonder if I ever really did grow-up or change. Fifteen years “up” the road, I believe I am still the same at the core, maybe just more streamlined. The extreme lows may have punched holes in my petite structure, but I’ve always bounced back. A stronger person. Don’t know if “better” is applicable here.

I’m still grouchy as a bear if woken when I’m not ready to leave dreamland.
Definitely not a morning person, if I don’t want to be.
Still give my folks migraines.
My rebellions maybe infused with subtleties, they are still rebellions.
Am the responsible elder child I was at ten, still am. SIGH
Organizing is a passion that has escalated with time.
Am a doer. A dreamer. Always finding ways to test my boundaries, my limits. Break some and make new ones.
A bookworm. Have been hooked since childhood. Have collections upon collections. An avid reader – was, am and will be.
Procrastinated - then and now.
Still escape into dark corners. Mom tells me as a three year old, I used to wander away. Whenever she’d come looking I’d be sitting in some dark room, talking to myself.

I haven’t changed.

Feel like having a spitting match with my 5 year old cousin. Maybe will do so tonight…

Find myself lying on the floor. The munchies are long gone. A strong wind is rustling the leaves, hustling the trees to turn her way. Hear birds chirping around, crows delighting in causing chaos. Close my eyes, take a deep breath and tune into the wind’s sighing. Contentment and Peace. Alhumdulilah

Will get up in a while to tackle the rest of the day.